Flying with toddlers is hard. They are fully mobile, totally opinionated, and incapable of all reason and logic at the most inopportune moments.
But why stop there? If you are really up for a family travel challenge, fly with your toddler in your lap. Up until your little one’s second birthday, your child is eligible to fly for free as a lap child. Many budget-conscious families take advantage of those savings for as long as possible, which can make for some very tight accommodations in tiny airplane rows.
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I’ll level with you: the lap toddler is controversial. In fact, all lap children are controversial. Airline safety experts agree that the safest place for your kiddos is in their own seats in child restraint devices (a car seat or CARES harness). But until and unless the FAA rules change, parents get to make that safety call for themselves. I’m not going to judge. While I try to buy a seat for my children whenever possible, they’ve both also flown in my lap several times too.
Toddler travel companion ready for flight!
There is an additional reason, however, that lap toddlers are so controversial. Toddlers are just very different than babies. They are much bigger and more likely to have developed an independent streak. They can throw serious tantrums when things don’t go their way. In short, they are just more likely to need the extra space of another seat. (My friend and fellow family travel bloggers over a Points With a Crew recently even wrote a brilliant diatribe calling for the end of the lap toddler for just these reasons.)
Before you make the call to fly with your toddler in your lap, make sure to assess your child’s personality and the length of the flight you are planning to take. My first child, for example, was fiercely independent and did not make a good lap toddler at all. Luckily, my son is much mellower. While budget is often the final deciding factor, your sanity is worth a lot too.
If you’ve thought it through and have made the call to travel with a lap toddler, godspeed and good luck. Now you need to live to tell the tale! So, here are my best tips for lap toddler travel success (aka how to survive flying with a lap toddler). And while these tips focus on having a toddler in your lap, most of them work for flying with a toddler in his or her own seat as well!
Tips for Lap Toddler Success
1. Pick the right flight and time.
Is your toddler super-cranky during the pre-dinner witching hour? Don’t pick a 5 pm flight. Does your little one really need a full night of sleep to make it through the day? The 6 am flight is not for you.
In short, don’t pick a flight that sets you up for failure before you ever leave. I happen to think that mid-morning flights are just about right for many toddlers. They give you enough time to wake up at a reasonable hour and get to the airport but they are still substantially before nap time meltdowns start.
2. Maximize your chances of getting an extra seat.
Even if you don’t buy a seat for your toddler, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get one. If there are empty seats on a flight, many airlines will try to make them available for families with lap children to use.
The easiest airline on which to make this happen is Southwest. Because of its open seating policy, if there is even a single extra seat on the plane, you will be able to snag it for your child. Just double check with the gate agent and ask nicely. The answer, in my experience, has always been yes. I have better than a 50/50 success rate on Southwest flights, even when traveling at peak periods.
Other airlines are a mixed bag, as you often need the gate agent to rearrange seat assignments to leave an empty seat next to where your family is sitting. If you want to maximize your chances, book yourself and your spouse or other child into an aisle and window seat (leaving an empty middle seat) near the back of the plane. Those are often the last seats to be filled and may be empty anyway.
3. Electronics are a must.
In-flight entertainment (in a seat we snagged for free thanks to Southwest’s open seating policies).
Yes, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for little ones until their second birthday. But I recommend leaving your perfect parenting pride behind on the jetway. You won’t wreck your toddler’s development by allowing some videos or apps in-flight. A little screen time can definitely be a lifesaver with any toddler.
4. Bring non-electronic entertainment to keep little fingers busy.
Although electronics can be amazing distractions, toddlers have the attention span of fleas. You’ll be lucky to get 5-15 minutes of sustained attention out of a TV show or movie for the under 2 set, so a phone or tablet simply cannot be the only entertainment you bring.
What works for my toddler? Wikki Stix have been a big hit as he has neared his second birthday (one word of warning – these are NOT good for toddlers who still mouth objects, but my little guy has never tried to eat them). I’ve also had good luck with a cheap days-of-the-week pill case filled with a little treat like goldfish or M&M’s. My toddler loves opening each compartment and grabbing the goodies inside.
Seriously, this counts as toddler entertainment (we cleaned them all up before deplaning – don’t worry!)
Other ideas:
- Stickers
- Matchbox cars
- Post-it flags
- Toys that shake and rattle (a box of Tic Tacs actually works well!)
- Bendy straws
- Coloring pads with triangular crayons (they don’t roll off tray tables)
Check out my post with 20+ tech-free travel entertainment ideas for kids for lots more inspiration.
5. Bring a wide variety of snacks.
For toddlers, food is entertainment too. Bring a wide variety of non-messy, toddler-friendly food and bring out new items at strategic moments to avoid meltdowns. Double bonus if the food takes a long time to eat.
Need snack ideas? Check out my post with 50 kid-friendly snack recommendations for air travel.
6. Walk the aisle. But not too much.
Trying to keep an active toddler in your lap for a long flight is a pretty tough endeavor. Toddlers need to move, so for anything longer than an hour flight, plan to spend some time in the aisle getting a little exercise. Try to time these walks around the beverage and food service so you can stay out of the flight attendants’ ways!
7. Bring a baby carrier.
The best kind of airplane selfie – a sleeping toddler! At 17 months, toddler slept successfully in a baby carrier all the way from MDW to OAK.
Most parents ditch the baby carrier before age 2, but it can still be a great tool when flying with a lap toddler (although it can’t be used on takeoff or landing). Sometimes, you just need to keep your toddler contained.
More importantly, the carrier can be particularly good for getting your toddler to sleep on you. We used a carrier for a recent flight with my almost 2 year old son when we departed late in the evening and knew he would sleep most of the flight. It worked like a charm and was much more comfortable than trying to get him to stretch out across my lap awkwardly for bedtime. I particularly like the super-compact Bitybean carrier for flying as it takes up very little space (see my full review of the Bitybean here).
8. Don’t stress the nap.
Depending on your child, you may or may not get your child to nap on the plane if you are flying at nap time. Some kids conk out as soon as the plane starts moving, but my daughter never napped on planes between the ages of 1-3. She was simply too distracted and excited by the new environment. I certainly tried mightily to force a nap (rocking her, etc.) which ended up being more trouble than it was worth and probably provoking bigger meltdowns. I’m much more flexible with my second child at nap time on planes now, and it goes much more smoothly. And sometimes we even get a nap without trying because I’m less stressed about the schedule.
Have you flown with a lap toddler? How was it? What are your secrets for toddler travel success?
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Shanna Schultz says
I would imagine that most airline agents would rather have you and your lap toddler with adequate space rather than have them spilling into someone else’s seat, so if you ask nicely, they will probably do their best to accommodate you (I work for an airline and I can at least say for myself that I always work to meet these requests.)
Try to give them as much notice as possible…asking for them to rearrange seats on a full flight when they are halfways done with boarding will be a difficult thing. Aim to get to the gate an hour before departure to make special seating requests…that will give you a better chance of being acccomodated.
Great tip about the daily pill box filled with goodies…my toddler would LOVE that!
Libby says
I’ve read umpteen of your blogs this morning in preparation for our flight to the UK from Canada in 2 weeks. They have been incredibly helpful. So thanks!!
Libby @babblingdabbler
The Little Tourist says
Love the photos! They remind me of when we traveled via plane with our little ones. Great tips! Totally agree. 🙂
Zeina says
I like this! Just be careful with the days of he week pill case… If the child is used to finding food and it is also used in the family for medicine you don’t want to train them to go for it
Deborah says
I was thinking the same thing. Love the idea, but we’ll be moving in with my 90 year old father soon, so … not for us.
Lyndsey Johnson says
We use an old formula dispenser thing…
Divya Nishanth says
Thank you Leslie for the tips.. I am flying next month with my 15 month old as a lap baby from India to US.. really worried!! But your blog gave me some hope that I could handle this.. Thanks! 🙂
Sara says
I’m making the same trip in a few months! How did your flight go? Any tips?
Hanan Y says
Yes I would like to know how the trip went and if there’s any additional tips you could share!
BETH says
I feel like the noise making shakers, in this example the Tic-Tacs, are not the best option. It may entertain your toddler but other passengers may become irritated & lash out. My personal suggestion is quiet toys.
Heather Deanna Munro says
My secret weapon for the plane is a tiny bottle of mini bubbles–like the party favors you get at a wedding. I’ve found them at the dollar store too. They are small enough to carry-on and they don’t travel past your row to annoy other passengers. My little guys are bubble fanatics, so this is always a great distraction. 🙂 Thanks for all the great tips!
Hayley says
Great post with some excellent advice. As an avid traveler and mum-to-be it’s great that there are so many posts like this out there! 🙂 A friend of mine recently wrote a guest post for me about her experiences when traveling to California from the UK that I think you and your readers would like!
Andrea says
Thank you for the tips! My husband and I recently flew with my 13 month old (on my lap) on a 20 hour journey from Canada to Australia. A few things worked wonders for us: 1) time-consuming snacks (Cheerios, raisins, rice cakes, etc), 2) we brought a full size pillow from home for my son to sleep on (much cooler and more comfortable for baby, provided a great surface for sleeping across mine and my husband’s laps), 3) I ordered the vegetarian meal with my airline ahead of time – this worked out amazing because my “special order” meal arrived about 10 minutes before my husband’s regular meal from the cart, so we could take turns eating while baby was on the other person’s lap. Happy travels!
Kimberly Richey says
Excellent post! I’m about to fly cross country with my almost 2 year old who has mild cerebral palsy. It will be his first flight. I’m getting him his own seat, but I know he will have a total meltdown if he can’t be in my lap during take off. Will they allow him to do this even though he will have his own seat with a FAA approved car seat?
Meghan Murray says
My daughter would melt down totally after she turned two and was forced to stay in her own seat during takeoff and landing. It was awful. She just wanted to be held and the flight attendants would basically stand over me and my fighting, screaming child to see that she was buckled during those minutes. I was threatened that they would return the plane to the gate if she was not in her own seat. Had to hold her down. She was tiny and would’ve been much safer and happier in my lap. There policies are idiotic. One day over two and now it’s too dangerous for her to be in a lap.
Deborah says
That’s awful! And yeah… it’s somehow safe when they’re under two but then magically not??? :-/
Rebecca says
The thing is… it’s not actually safe for you to be holding any child in your lap. Take off and landing are the most dangerous times in a plane and if there were an accident there’s no way you could safely hold onto your child. It would not only harm your child, but others as well as (sad to say) they would become a projectile flying into other passengers.
It seems to me that airlines only allow children under two to be held because it encourages parents to travel more than they would if they were required to buy an additional seat for such a tiny human.
I agree with you that the policies are not the best. If they were to correct them, all passengers should be required to be safely secured. I know I wear my seatbelt even when I’m not required (unless i have to use the restroom mid-fliight, which has only happened once or twice) because turbulence could happen in an instant and I want to remain in my seat. I understand children may have special needs, but they will recover from not being held (particularly during those two points of a flight) or, honestly, it might be better just not to fly until they are ready. I know that’s not always a possibility, but minimizing the amount of flying until it’s less stressful might be beneficial.
Karen says
Funny article. I’m having nightmares already for our upcoming 22hr+ flights Fr Oz to Europe. Dread!!! Done travel States to oz in half the time with 2yo & swore I’d NEVER do it again.
Some good tips & reminders (it’s been a while) from your post & readers. For shorter flights say under 10hrs it’s all manageable with distractions & food. I’m remembering my own experiences with mega long hauls & will share:
1. The veg meal for mum. Yes that was a gr8 idea & life saver 10 mins ahead. Put it on your ticket request tho as they often don’t have enough otherwise.
2. The child restraint/carrier. What an awful experience that poor mum had above whose child was forced in her own seat at 2yrs 1 day, terrified & screaming. You’ve reminded me to make ahead requests to airline NOT to force us to do that as we will have our own safety harness so he can stay on my or hubby’s lap for take off/landing. That definately sucks & is bordering child abuse!
3. Long ago I read about the secret envelope opening with a surprise inside. We recently did this on a long car trip & my 9yo daughter pre packed these envelopes to save her own sanity riding next to my toddler on a long drive. Haha she was desperate & it works a charm (tho our goal of 1 every half hour once he was awake turned into 1 ev 5-10 mins but it saved us a mega meltdown.)
3. Technology!!!! All things electronic & take your own DVD player just in case. If your child can practise using headphones, all the better cause 20 times the same song or movie will not only drive you nuts but the ppl around you.
4. Food & snacks. I remember the days when we had to toss out all liquids & my prepared items liquidy ended up trashed at security. We even had to have our sons antibiotic in powder form to pre-mix ourselves. I need to check ahead again for that & current overseas rules But…. lots of little snacks are lifesavers. They don’t even care, just as long as it’s some different textures, flavour & colours. Food is not always cause they are hungry. It’s a nice time waster & distraction. Have the mega meltdown food of whatever junk you need to make it go away. All healthy & food rules do not apply on long haul flights. It’a about survival!!! Well to a degree (see below).
5. Back seats…I hate them bec everyone walks up there. Often service is up there or toilets. Too much noise & distraction when traveling with toddlers. However your tip for seats on shorter flights, no worries it’s a good idea.
6. Don’t tick off the flight attendants. Be as nice as you can BEFORE things turn sour faced, which they will, & your attendants will become either ypur enemy or foe & sometimes a simple smile or extra colouring book they’ve found for you breaks that stressful moment which they’ll do for you if you are courteous to start with. I’ve had my battles too & nearly lost it with them, Esp the young females who don’t have kids & have absolutely no idea if the hell you are trying to avoid.
7. Extra pillow a must.
8. Blankie or snuggles. Familiar soft items to cuddle etc. Obvious. Don’t lose them!!! Put a tracking device on any must have favourites. After one disaster losing a favourite snuggle, we decided in future, buy 2 of the same kind. No kidding, it’s almost impossible to buy the same item a year later. It’s like replacing goldfish. They know!!!!
9. Sugar overload. I know I said any food earlier, but try to limit the sugar & junk early on. Get the healthy stuff in as much as you can at the start. No need for juice boxes & cookies yet. Water to start is a must. Plus for hydration as long flights dehydrate you a lot. On that a non tasting Chapstick or lip balm helps dry lips.
10. No alcohol for the parents. You can if you want obviously & my hubby prob will but as I’m the one who had to work the hardest & do this marathon, which it is, I need all my senses & faculties. Think of it like a fun run, (maybe take out the word fun).
11. Patience! I am terrible on no sleep, which is often with my 3rd, & I need recovery time. Book it in with your other half. Go away from it all for 10mins. Up the back or a walkYou’ll be stronger for it & get a quick reboot.
12. Extra clothes. Obvious. Accidents happen. Also Jackets not jumpers/sweaters. Aircon gets cold then heats up then gets cold again. You need to be able to peel on & off easily. Thin fleece Vests are good too. Spare socks.
13. Airline toilets are really tricky. Prepack a seperate little bag of (thick large) wipes & Nappies/diapers to grab n go for that. Fitting in a nappy bag is difficult. Tiny Powder & barrier creams are a must to avoid nappy rash from sitting & sweating in those things for so long. Change regularly.
14. I wouldn’t do the tic tac idea. My toddler is too clever at opening stuff & would choke or if I taped it, yes as another said, the rattling isn’t fair on other ppl. Would drive them crazy. Try tactile touch stuff instead.
15. Stickers rock. Low mess. Takes ages to do. Easy least to pack. Buy a mixed book of them, or put sheets of diff kinds in. Plus a seperate blank book to stick them in. I honestly thought this was so pointless sticking from the sheet to the book, but it entertained t daughter for hours! My 1st son, he wasn’t so interested. Still worked, just no where as long. Pack the mini pip squeak markers Crayola sell as they are small but easy to use & they wash out fairly easily so who cares if they draw on themselves (a bit). Wipes work great here too.
16. Wipes! Yes they come in handy for all sorts of things. Plenty of nice thick wipes. & tissues….& a washer cause wipes taste yucky.
17. Chewy things or drinks for just after take off to help equalise the ears. I will dose my older kids with an antihistamine before the flight as we will be leaving this time in winter & no doubt someone if not both will have the sniffles & ear pain is horrible for them. I’ll also pack a Vicks nose sniffer but something to help keep a clear airway/tubes is helpful. My son will also try the equalizing ear plugs this time as he’s much older but suffers a lot having smaller eustacean tubes & also gets sick a lot. So I’ll see how that goes. I have to check about taking Nurophen with rules & regulations, but it saves him if he’s having ear pain. Reminds me to check again with Doctor ahead of time for him & if any sign of tingling or earpain the week before we travel, I’ll put him on the strongest antibiotic. If I wait too long, it could very well be too late. That’s just for me, I can’t recommend any of that for you guys cept get the ears & doctors appointments sorted before it’s too late if you have a sick child the week before you travel. I’m booking my appointments in advance cause I know what’s coming.
18. Haha my dream flight would be to pay a nanny to go with us.
19. A Touch n feel book with flaps & peek a boos. There are some great ones out there now. Not too big tho as its too hard to pack. But a a good tactile book is a life saver. Otherwise stick tactile things on your current fav, just for them to touch & run their fingers over.
20. A sense of humour. Somehow try to pull that out & it helps a lot. Ignore anyone bringing you down on the flight (kids not included). They have obviously never been in your shoes. Fake laugh it off if you have to. Good luck with that. I’m not good at it but sometimes I remind myself I have to do that for everyone’s sanity. Does help. That and the massage chairs at certain people loving airports during stop overs/flight changes.
Yes it takes up a whole carry on bag but when you’ve got that extra seat, the carry on is all your toddlers. Stuff in some books & cars & you’ve done what you can. This post helped remind me what I’ve got to do to get ready. Preparation is key. Of course, at times all that will go out the window, but I guess it won’t last & you’ll survive. Haha until jetlag at the other end. May the Force be with you!!!
Deborah says
Great stuff!! Just building on the earphones (as my little guy could listen to Wheels on the Bus a few hundred times in a row if I let him), my guy took quickly to these: If that link doesn’t work well, search “Cozy phones” on Amazon. They’re like a headband with earphones built in. Brilliant!
Melissa Sutherland says
Oh my goodness, all of your ideas are gold. I’m travelling end of March from France to Florida ON MY OWN with a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. I think I may have a death wish ! And the only thing I could book was a day flight, so they’ll sleep 2 hours tops on our 15 hour journey… Should be fun !
So THANK YOU for all of these great ideas !!
Sarah says
Hey Melissa, how did your flight go??
Brandi Chatelain says
My husband and I will be flying from New Orleans to Seim Reap, Cambodia in January 2018. Our daughter will be 15 months old on the way there and 20 months when we fly back. I become instantly overwhelmed just thinking about it. Thanks for the tips.
Tenielle orchard says
Thankyou! These are so good! Triangular crayons! I would of completely over looked the fact that the regular ones could easily roll off, and a baby carrier! What a great Idea! Never would of thought. Fingers crossed 🍀 leaving for my trip to NZ from Aus in one month (3 hrs) lord give me strength. Thankyou so much, wish me luck cause lord knows I’m going to need it 😅
rebecca says
This was so helpful. On out outbound flight we were able to snag the middle seat for free. ON the way home not so lucky. There was a empty seat on the plane but the flight attendant would not let my husband change to it so my toddler could sit next to me in the empty seat. Bummer and in my opinion a bit rude. But I did a lot of these – stickers, snacks and new little toys in makeup bag did wonders. One thing is the flight attendant did provide extra cups which was a new toy that we did not have to pack and carry 🙂
kaytlynellis says
I will have to try the Wikki Sticks! Thanks for these ideas!
Tyler @ The Traveling Toddler says
Great tips, although I’m firmly in the camp of everyone having their own seat when flying. I think it’s the most comfortable option for all involved.
Dulci Edge says
So helpful! We have traveled a ton with our 17 month old and learned a thing or two along the way 🙂
Hopefully this is helpful to other parents:
xxDulci
Carissa DAniello Heyda says
This was super helpful! I’m flying with my 20-month old next week on Southwest. Who should I ask about seeing if we can sit near an empty seat? The person at the desk or the flight attendant once we get on board? How should I ask in a way that they won’t perceive as rude?
Anonymous says
I completely disagree with the point about toddlers/babies getting no “screen time” my son has been using my husbands and my phone since he was about 1 and learned so much from the little videos that are on YouTube. He learned colors and animals way before we could even teach him. If depended on WHAT they watch, not whether they watch or not.
BreAnna Teschendorf says
Hey! I just wanted to say, your stickers on the back of the seat idea is GENIUS. I took my twins from Germany to Taiwan this year, and spent hours looking for baby-fly tips online. Your article is literally the ONLY creative article I could find. The other articles told me things like, “Bring enough food.” (DUH!) Anyway, I used the stickers on my long haul flight and the babies loved it. They were only 10months at the time, so they kept trying to eat them. (oops!) . But we’re doing a long-haul again in a few months, they’re over a year now and I’ll do it again. I have no doubt, with equal enjoyment.
Thanks!
Nickity Cole says
I found this post through Pinterest. This is all really good advice!