Oh, seat assignments. They are the stuff of nightmares for parents flying with small kids. If you travel with kids, you've probably heard a horror story from a friend or experienced a tough situation yourself.
"Can you believe that the airline tried to seat my toddler 18 rows away from me?" Yes. Sadly, yes I can.
Up until my most recent trip, I had luckily dodged the seat assignment bullet. Frankly, it's pretty amazing that I've done more than 100 flights with babies, toddlers, and little ones and hadn't had the issue yet. There are a few reasons for that (keep reading to learn how you can improve your seat assignment success ratio too).
But first things first. What on earth went wrong this time?
Our Seat Separation Saga
Our Seat Separation SagaOn our most recent trip returning home on a 6 hour flight from Cancun to San Francisco on United Airlines, I was that mom who suddenly found my toddler was indeed seated 18 rows away from me. In Cancun, I arrived at the airport only to find that my family of four (including our 6 year old daughter and 2 year old son) were given seat assignments scattered haphazardly all over the plane. No one was together.
When we booked our tickets back in early September nearly three months before the trip, I tried to get seats together as I usually do. I found that there were only two seats available for pre-assignment that did not require paying an extra fee, even though the plane was far from full. Both were middle seats. That obviously wouldn't work. I could buy United's Economy Plus seating (which was showing as 90% empty) for my entire family, for the low, low cost of $90+ per seat, but that was ridiculous. Economy Plus seats have extra legroom but I can guarantee you that my 2 year old doesn't need extra legroom. All we wanted was to sit together somewhere. Anywhere. It could be the worst seat on the plane and I'd be happy.
I tried numerous times to try to snag seat assignments as the weeks approached for our trip, but no luck. I figured I'd check in online right at the 24 hour mark, as a lot of seats often open up at that point when elites are upgraded to business class and to the Economy Plus seats. But when I went to check in, the United app wouldn't allow me the option to even get boarding passes, much less seats.
We arrived at the airport 2 ½ hours before our flight hopeful someone at United could work something out. The line for bag check was a mile long. When we finally got to an agent, she worked mightily to get seats for us but couldn't make it happen on what had become a totally full flight. She managed to assign one of us to an exit row, knowing it would be a prime seat someone would swap for. This entire process took nearly an hour and a half, meaning we were actually getting pretty close to flight time by the time we made it to security.
We raced through security. I then ran ahead to try to enlist the further help of the gate agent in solving our seat assignment dilemma. I was very polite, but I was met with an obvious and immediate eye roll and loud sigh. I'm already not much of a United fan and this kind of no-can-do attitude makes me angry. The agent cursorily attempted to help me but mostly ignored me and said I should just switch with passengers on the plane. At the last minute, he managed to get my two year old and me in two middle seats across the aisle from each other and was betting on the other passengers in the row (who appeared to be a family traveling together) to switch.
The clocked ticked down without any further resolution, and we finally boarded dead last. Luckily, the family with older kids in our row was happy to make a switch, putting me next to my 2 year old son. We then found a solo traveler who would take our exit row seat so my 6 year old daughter could sit with my husband. Disaster averted. But it was stressful and tiring and frustrating and worrying.
The entire situation potentially pits passengers against one another during the already hurried and stressful boarding process. Usually human kindness and decency win out, but the airline should be the one handling this customer service issue - not fellow passengers.
Can I Stop this from Happening to Me?
Can I Stop this from Happening to Me?If you are a less frequent traveler, I'm guessing you desperately want to know how you can prevent this from happening to you. The short answer is that you can't. Not really. Airlines are separating families more and more. They are leaving it up to gate agents and even fellow passengers to arrange last minute emergency swaps to keep a young child next to a parent. It shouldn't be this way.
I can tell you why it is happening much more often. First, airplanes are simply flying much fuller than they ever have before. There's less room for rearrangement when there are no empty seats on the plane. Second, airlines are reserving more and more of their seats for elites or turning those seats into premium seats with perks like extra legroom. That leaves fewer "cheap" seats in which to seat the families together if they don't want to pay that fee.
Finally, more and more families are flying these days than they did in the early days of air travel. Rearranging multiple groups of 4 or 5 is simply harder than making swaps when most flyers are individuals or couples. I see this problem the most often during holiday travel periods or to and from family vacation destinations where there are many more families on flights.
Even with all of this, there are definitely ways you can improve your seat assignment success ratio. As much as I fly, I've been pretty successful (this trip, notwithstanding). That's because I know all the tricks for making sure my family doesn't get separated. I work hard to get seat assignments that work for my family and not inconvenience others.
Here's what you can do to improve your chances of sitting together as a family:
- Fly Southwest: The seat assignment problem is nearly non-existent on Southwest. Southwest has open seating where families of young kids (ages 4 and under) can board between groups A & B when seats together are almost always available for the taking. Problem solved. The legacy airlines' tone-deafness to the problem is one of the major reasons that Southwest gets much more of my business lately.
- Get seat assignments when you book: On most airlines, you can view seat maps and book your seats as you book your tickets. If seat assignments are crucial to you, look for flights that are less full and that have plenty of open seating. Book the assignments you need then and there. Of course, this isn't always possible if you need to book a last minute trip or are traveling during a busy holiday period, but it's something.
- Monitor your seat assignments: One of the major reasons families are separated is because airlines change things after you book. You may think you have seats with your children, but if an aircraft swap happens, those seats are often reassigned. If you book tickets far in advance, I'd recommend monitoring your reservations every month or two to watch for this issue.
- Be persistent: If at first you don't succeed, try try again. If you can't get seats at booking, try calling the airline to see if a phone agent can help. Check every few weeks to see if the seat map has opened up. Try again at 24, 48, and 72 hours before flight time when elite upgrades are often processed. On flight day, arrive early at the airport and try to arrange a switch then. Sound exhausting? Well, it is. But it is the price airlines are making families pay.
- Pay the extra fee: I hate to encourage families to shell out even more money to these airlines just for the privilege of sitting together, but sometimes that is the only way to success. That said, even those premium seats aren't guaranteed, but gate and phone agents will usually be much more willing to help you if you'd paid premium pricing.
- Kindness counts: The prospect of being separated from your little ones on a long flight has probably stressed you out. Take a deep breath and be nice - whether to the gate agents and to fellow passengers if you are asking for a swap. People will be much more willing to help you if you keep your cool. Bribery (in the form of a free drink coupon to a fellow passenger) works too.
Good luck and happy travels!
tgruber says
I'm sorry this happened to you. I get so frustrated when airlines depend on you...the stressed out, inconvenienced party, to work it out with other stubborn, equally stressed out people who paid extra for their seat, or picked it for a purpose or are just plain nasty and don't want to help a family out. They should ALWAYS be the official asking on the family's behalf. It is my biggest pet peeve about flying. And I agree about Southwest. It is totally worth it to pay for the early bird check in and be able to relax and know you are together.
We've had the situation of equipment changes and then we are told via phone that they don't have access to the booking system to assign seats when we realize what has happened and call (say what?) And then have been turned away at baggage check, gate agents, etc. until we are left with working it out ourselves while in tears. I've also had everything checked in fine, checked a bag, arrived at the gate and while boarding been pulled aside to be told that my seat has been moved and they have separated me from my child. It is all inexcusable!! I feel your pain and stress.
Jessica says
My mama bear comes out just reading this! It make no sense to even allow booking parents and children in separate seats. This is certainly a customer service issue, not something we should be negotiating with other passengers over. Glad it worked out for you, but traveling with kids is stressful enough as it is.
Nancy says
What a pain! Glad you found some passengers to change seats.
Check out Southwest's new verbiage on its website--it now lists family boarding for ages 6 and under.
"General boarding starts with Business Select customers, who are guaranteed positions at the front of the A Group, followed by Rapid Rewards tier Members and the remaining Customers in the A Group, families with children age six and under, then groups B and C. Learn more about our boarding process."
tripswithtykes says
Awesome spot on this change - thanks for sharing (and time to update all my Southwest posts now!). This is a great development and buys me two more years of family boarding! 😉
Mary at Capturing Magical Memories says
We actually had this issue on Southwest. We did family board but there were so many people that were already on board from the first flight, pre-boarded with disabilities, in group A and families in front of us. All the rows were either full or had only middle seat open. I found the grumpiest two people I could find and told my 5 yo to sit in between them. I then started to walk past to another row. Let me tell you those people offered to move fast! 🙂
tripswithtykes says
Oh no! A rare occurrence on Southwest for sure - I've always been able to get full empty rows on Southwest between groups A and B on dozens and dozens of flights with them, but I could see how it could happen in a situation where there are a lot of passengers continuing on. Glad your strategy worked! 😉
tarametblog says
Ugh this happened to me too going international for both to and from! American Airlines separated my twins who were just 2 at the time, but the woman said, one is in the row in front of you and one is in the row behind you. I was like, that still doesn't work! They can't just sit there and behave by themselves, lol. Aye. One way I ended up just paying more for extra space seats so that we could be together. On the way back though this was not an option as the flight was full and they didn't even help me at the gate. I also had to beg with passengers to switch with us. Luckily I asked for aisle seats for us at least if not together so that way I'd have a better bargaining tool once on board and fending for ourselves. It was super stressful and not needed when going on vacation.
Keri from Baby Globetrotters says
I too, cannot for the life of me understand how airlines systems do not give priority to seating anyone on a childs ticket next to an accompanying adult - just bizarre that rules allow a 2 year old to be seated away from a guardian.
I did manage to top this recently with Qatar where despite flying with my infant and two kids, all the usual try and prebook seats online etc, on arrival at the airport we went from being staggered over the plane with 3 kids to me only being placed stand by while they were ticketed!! Untold amount of stress during a connection and still arguing at the ticket desk until finally, we got two seats of three seats to ourselves!! Persistence, persistence.
Farnorthtrader says
I think that if you had gotten to the gate agent earlier, you might have had a better chance. They seem to have more power to make changes at that point and also have pretty good idea who is going to be upgraded at the gate. In my experience with United, it has always been the gate agent who has been able to fix this for us, however, I have also almost always been at desk asking them pretty much when they arrive, as their job gets much busier as departure approaches and they often do not have time to fix seat assignments near departure. My experience with United, in this regard, has been very good. Twice, gate agents have proactively switched seats for us before I could ask and had new boarding passes waiting for us.
At least with United, it is important to book well in advance, as they do not have "preferred" seating, just economy and economy plus, so all of the economy seats are available for assignment without extra cost and are available for everyone, not just elites. For American (and, I assume, Delta), checking back often is more important, as they hold back lots of economy seats, either only for elites or for extra charges. Our most recent flight on American, between Orlando and Houston, when I booked 3 months ahead, only had middle seats available, but had every middle seat available. The agent that booked it for me could see that the plane was pretty much empty, so told me to keep watching and the aisle and window seats would open up eventually. They did and all six of us were together.
I don't see what more United can do to seat families together (unless, of course, an error on their end or an equipment swap messed up the seats). If the situation is like yours, there were only two economy seats left unassigned. I don't think it makes much sense to deny other passengers a seat assignment on speculation that a parent and small child will eventually want to book seats together. I see a lot of comments stating that seating families apart is wrong, but not a lot of solutions how it could be fixed.
Roberta Whatelli says
This just happened to me. I found out my daughter needs surgery very soon, but it is only available in L.A. and Chicago, so I scheduled the consult a week out and booked a ticket for myself and a second ticket for my 17 month old daughter who is too big and too difficult for me to handle as a lap infant by myself. There were to economy seats available and only a few premium economy seats... all middle seats. Guess somebody is getting stuck next to a screaming toddler in a middle seat rear facing carseat. I'm not negotiating. I'm sorry, but it's not my job to make other people happy. That's the airline's job. Hopefully, the flight attendant will realize very quickly what a HUGE mistake they made seating a fussy baby between two strangers.
Sarah Winston says
I don't understand why people have a problem with paying for seat selection. Especially parents.
There is a REASON it no longer costs 2000 dollars to fly coast to coast: Ticket prices are lowered and the losses are offset by ancillary fees like seat selection, bags, meals etc. Unless you WANT to pay 1980's prices on trans US flights, be grateful and pay it .
Secondly, as parents, you should be prepared to pay more. For everything in life. You need to pay more for groceries. Pay more for clothes. Pay more for movies. Why are planes considered different? You have to pay to get your kid a ticket into the movie theater, as well as buy one for yourself. Again, why are planes different? Have kids? That's the deal. Kids are expensive. You knew that going in.
You need to stop complaining that you are not getting what you refuse to pay for in the first place.
alex says
@Sarah Winston, do you think people have unlimited amount of money? Should we castrate people that are too poor to pay more for seats? To visit my family I need to take 3 different flights one way, with 3 kids at 90$/seat thats 450$ one way extra. With kids there are a million other better things I can spend that money on like college fund or extra activity for them to experience during vacation. On top of that buying seats does not guarantee you those seats.